It’s another thing to flaunt that affection at the expense of other grandchildren’s feelings. RELATED POST: 7 Steps to Healing After Child Sexual Abuse by a Grandfatherīut it’s one thing to have a favorite grandchild. Maybe it’s their first grandchild (always special!), the first boy (or girl), the youngest one, the one they spend the most time with, etc. There is no sense in denying that some grandparents (and even some parents) love one child more than the other(s). So if the law acknowledges the harm a grandparent causes when they expose grandchildren to trash talk about their parent(s), it should be a no-brainer. In a recent (2017) case, the court blocked a grandmother from being alone with a grandchild after she made degrading remarks to the child about the parent. It’s so bad that even the law recognizes it as an offense. It’s never OK for grandparents to badmouth the parent(s) to the grandchildren. It also teaches the grandchildren that lying or keeping secrets from parents is OK as long as no one finds out about it. It will be our little secret.”Īgain, it’s a huge violation of trust. And it’s OK for them to want to share something with the grandparent that they don’t want to share with their parents.īut it’s not OK for the grandparent to involve the child in a deliberate deception by asking to lie or keep a secret from the parents.įor example, when the grandparent disregards the parents’ rules about bedtime, diet, or screen time, then says to the child: “Just don’t tell your parents. It’s OK for a child to have that special relationship with a grandparent. In a world full of rules and demands, grandparents can be a precious source of unconditional love and gentle guidance. Many of us have warm memories of times spent with our grandmothers and grandfathers. Grandparents often have special relationships with their grandkids, and it’s a beautiful thing. Ask the grandchild to lie or keep a secret It also makes the adult children feel like their parents don’t think of them as good parents. But voicing them creates unnecessary friction and discord in the family. Or maybe your father believes that sparing the rod spoils the child. Maybe your mother-in-law believes that breastfeeding your son past the age of 1 will make him a pervert. RELATED POST: Going No Contact with a Narcissistic Grandmother You don’t have to repeat their parenting mistakes. There’s aged wisdom, and then there are old wives’ tales. However, it doesn’t mean that the grandparents have the right to judge or disapprove, especially considering that their beliefs are often outdated. Generational differences in views and opinions are inevitable. But others pass judgment on their children’s parenting choices because they’ve raised their kids differently. Pass judgment on the parent’s choicesĪlthough grandparents can be a valuable source of advice because of their rich life experience, parents have the final authority on all matters that concern their children. So if your parent or in-law jumps in to “protect” their grandkid when you are setting limits or imposes their views on punishment, set the record straight before it causes a bigger issue. In the worst-case scenario, it will cause long-term resentment. In the best-case scenario, interfering in discipline will be perceived as annoying. Matters of discipline are strictly the parents’ domain. Yet it doesn’t give them the right to interfere. or they’re using the wrong discipline methods.the parents are being too lenient with the grandchild.the parents are being too harsh with the grandchild.Preferably, not in front of your children. Whatever their reason, address the overruling as soon as possible. they have a controlling and overbearing personality.they’re confusing grandparenting and parenting roles.When a grandparent overrules the parents, it can mean a few things: If you’re dealing with a toxic grandparent, I bet it happened to you at least once.įor example, you told your child: “No more sweets,” and your mother says: “Oh, you never let her have any treats. ![]() Have you ever been in a situation where you tell your child something, and then your parent or in-law overrules you? So you stand there, flabbergasted, and they’re completely oblivious to the fact that they’ve crossed a line? But there are certain things that grandparents should never EVER do, no matter how well-meaning they are. Grandparenting isn’t an exact science and it involves a learning curve, just like parenting. Even the most well-meaning grandparents sometimes overstep their bounds.
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